// January 8th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // My God
Sheri Carr is an extraordinary worship leader and songwriter, and her new album “Fearless Now” is one of my favorite albums. In a time where “cookie cutter worship” is easy to find, “Fearless Now” stands out as an authentic expression of passion and love between a girl and her God
Today when she posted this on a private blog… I immediately asked her if I could re-post it here on unplugged. Sheri is not yet blogging publicly but as soon as she is, I will be the first to let you know! Regards, Jason the bald guy
- Today at 4:49pm
It’s January 8th. After several weeks of gray and overcast weather, feeling terribly sun-deprived, I am now thrilled to see blue sky, white puffy clouds and patches of sunshine. I am aching to get out there and soak up as much of the sun as I can. There’s just one problem: it is REALLY windy!
I bundle up with a warm hat and hooded sweatshirt, determined to not let the wind stop me from my mission, no matter the cost. As I begin to walk, though the wind is blowing all around me, the sun shines and warms away my coldness, inside and out. I find myself smiling as I stroll down my wooded street, starting to let the stresses of the week fall away.
As I reach the end of our street – a dead end – I debate whether or not to take the trail that starts there and goes through the woods out to the lake. “It could be pretty muddy,” is my first thought. “It could be kind of cold in all that shade,” is my next. But I was enjoying being outdoors so much, I thought, “What the heck!” and headed down the trail. Today, I find it’s hard to tell where the trail really is, covered with so many leaves this time of year. However, I’ve walked that trail so many times before, memory keeps me on track.
I love to walk that trail for several reasons: 1) Scenery is beautiful: water both sides, evergreens and deciduous trees, birds chirping, squirrels climbing trees. 2) I rarely bump into another human being out there. Not many people walk the trail, so it’s nice to feel like I’m out in the wilderness somewhere, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. Really, I’m only a twenty-minute walk from home. 3) I love reaching “the point” at the end of the trail…where the trail ends and the water begins. I often pause to just take in the beauty of it all, and usually take a few minutes to “be alone” with God.
Today is no different. Except for the wind. It is blowing a gale out there! I have to walk with determination against the wind to make my way out to the lake.
Remember the famous scene from the movie Titanic? The one where they’re at the front of the ship, standing on the railing, and Jack is holding up Rose’s arms so that she feels like she’s flying? That’s kind of how it feels as I reach “the point,” standing there in the midst of that strong wind. I stop for just a moment, and close my eyes. Almost immediately my mind wanders. It wanders to all the important things I need to accomplish back at home today. After what is probably only ten seconds, I turn to walk home. But something calls me back…
It was almost as if the Lord was stirring my heart, calling out to me, “Will you not just stay here with me a few more moments? Let me speak to you. Stop rushing around from one thing to the next so quickly, and just come and be still. Just give me five minutes.”
I turn around and go back. I face the wind again.
It seems all of a sudden the wind picks up, starts blowing harder and harder, then harder still. So hard, it is soon all I can hear – just wind filling my ears.
Though it’s just a man-made lake and fifteen feet low from drought – the waves are crashing against the rocky shore, sounding like shouting bursts of praise. The trees are waving their hands, and the branches quiver in the wind creating the sound of thunderous applause across the hilltop. Birds are singing songs of adoration and soaring about on gusts of wind in what seems like a well-choreographed dance. Leaves are whirling and twirling around my feet, almost giggling with glee to play around my toes. The sun is shining, shimmering on the water in a constantly-moving masterpiece, an amazing original work of art…and all of this going on around me is all the while speaking loudly and powerfully of God’s great love…for me.
The same great Love that died on the cross is the same great Love that gave His only Son, and is also the same great Love poured out for us all to enjoy each day through God’s amazing creation.
Suddenly I find tears running down my cheeks. I am soaking in the moment. I look around to make sure no one has approached unnoticed, due to the sound of the rushing wind. I look so suddenly because I’m embarrassed that I’m crying out here alone in the woods. Kind of like one of my cats who has been enjoying a good petting, but suddenly jerks his head when he hears a noise and is sure that my other cat is going to take advantage of his vulnerable state – and pounce. Then I laugh at myself.
Why am I crying? I’m crying because I feel in this moment that God is so near. As near as the wind nearly blowing me over and making my pant legs flutter. As near as the smell of winter in the air. It’s as though all the noise of the world has been blocked out for a moment, and all I hear…is Him. So I raise my hands as if to fly and laugh as the wind picks up even more. I feel Him say through the wind to me: “I am here.”
The waves continue to roll, and the sun rolls in and out of the clouds. I’m almost shivering now in the cold, and yet I feel so warm somehow, because I know I’m standing in the presence of God.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I know God is everywhere. There is nowhere we can go that His presence can’t find us. But I think there are special moments like this, where He extends a special kiss, a loving hug…and usually just when we need it.
I stand there at least a half hour. I don’t want to move. I watch a ParaSurfer (or KiteBoarder) way off in the distance, braving the cold to enjoy the wind and waves. I want to be like those ParaSurfers. Not afraid to get out in the wind, but to be one who embraces the wind – harnesses it, even – to head out on an unknown adventure.
The wind continues to blow over me. I tell God how I’m afraid. I tell Him how most days I just don’t know what to do. I tell Him I’m lonely. I tell Him I feel so lost. I tell Him I’m sorry for all the ways I fail. I ask Him to fill me with courage. I ask Him to guide my steps. I ask Him to go with me wherever He calls me to go. I ask Him to help me to find Him in the midst of my days and nights, in the midst of my work and play, in the midst of joy, pain, and sorrow. I ask Him to show me how to take his Spirit with me from this place, and for Him not to feel so far away as I go about my day. I ask Him to be as near to me always as He feels at this moment.
Just then, it seems He says to me, “So go. And watch me go with you. I never leave you. I am with you always.”
So I dry my tears, take a deep breath, and turn to head back up the trail toward home. I feel a twinge of sorrow as I feel like I’m walking away from His presence and into a scary world again. But as I walk towards home, I notice something. The wind is at my back.
Now I can look at this several ways. My first thought is, “God’s presence is helping to propel me through my life. His wind is filling my sails. He doesn’t want me to hide away from the world forever, just get away with Him long and often enough to hear Him above all the noise.”
My second thought is, “We need to be filled again and again by spending time in His presence, letting His wind blow over us – but we need to remember we’re filled for the purpose of entering back into the world. He fills us up that we might be poured out in a world that desperately needs us to be God’s hands and feet.”
And finally, “No wonder it seems like going against the grain to ‘find’ Him sometimes – it’s liking hiking headfirst into the wind!”
As I continue to process, I am reminded of the truth. I am reminded that as the wind is blowing in the direction I am now going – back to my life at home – God’s presence goes WITH me there. He walks beside me. He even encourages me to go into ALL the world. To make disciples of all nations, telling those who have not heard of the great Love our Father has for us.
Now, I notice as I walk that the closer I get to home and the further from the lake, the less I feel the wind, the less I notice leaves twirling or branches applauding, the less I hear the waves shouting in their bursts of praise. But I do still hear the occasional bird singing. And though I can’t see the sun shimmering as gloriously as it did on the water…it is still shining on me, keeping me warm, and making me smile. He is still here.
Though lots of obstacles block the wind between the lake and my home – trees, houses, hills – somehow the wind still makes its way up here, stronger on some days than others.
And so it is, sometimes, with feeling the presence of God. Some days I sense Him so powerfully. Other days it seems that so many things “block” me from sensing Him here with me. But it doesn’t mean He isn’t here, that He isn’t listening, that He doesn’t care, that His power isn’t strong enough to break through any roadblock, any circumstance, any fear, any sickness, any pain, any worry, or any doubt. The natural speaks of the invisible…
“Nothing is impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37, NIV)
May we all find time to get away to our secret places to be alone with God on a regular basis – just as Jesus did. Let us follow His example, and make time to get alone with God, to get filled again and again. May we let the rushing wind of His presence blow over us, and may He help us to hear His voice above the chaos and noise of the world. May we take time to clap our hands, shout, twirl, and dance with all creation – joining in with the heavenly song:
“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His love endures forever!”
“Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty – who was, and is, and is to come.”
Take just five minutes today. Go for a walk, go to your secret place, or simply ponder these verses below. Stop long enough to let Him speak to You. Let tears fall when necessary. No one’s looking…I promise.
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“The Spirit of God entered David like a rush of wind, God vitally empowering him for the rest of his life.” (I Sam 16:13, The Message)
“So don’t be so surprised when I tell you that you have to be ‘born from above’—out of this world, so to speak. You know well enough how the wind blows this way and that. You hear it rustling through the trees, but you have no idea where it comes from or where it’s headed next. That’s the way it is with everyone ‘born from above’ by the wind of God, the Spirit of God.” (John 3:6-8, The Message)
“With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.” (Romans 8:1-3, The Message)
“Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches.” (Revelation 2, The Message)
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