// April 9th, 2009 // 5 Comments » // My Confessions
The Girl of My Dreams
The night I met her… well let’s just say… it was unexpected. And honestly, so has almost every day since then… most people would probably imagine some type of romantic chance meeting… well it is in a way… but nothing like you think… so … here goes..
I was a loser… yep…no question about it… divorced, and all messed up I had decided to jump off in the deep end…my goal was to keep a good buzz, surround myself with women, avoid as many bills as possible, bum as much as possible, and generally avoid responsibility. It all started after the divorce… actually a whole year after the divorce!
That first year I determined… I would get back on my feet and start all over again. I was almost done with Technical School and had a great part time job as an Intern. My Ex had confiscated our only car and so my parents sprung for a little Geo Metro, it was a “get you by” car. My money was exhausted and so I was paying them $100 a month for it.
One of the awesome things that my ex decided to do when she divorced me was to immediately empty my bank account, Including the money from my Pell Grant for school. So I was immediately in a financial bind in several areas. Child support was set not long after but everything was going OK except for finances being stretched so thin. Then I got the paperwork, somebody thought it was a great idea to increase my child support based on the salary that I was “able” to make as a construction worker, before I started school, rather than what I actually made as a student, and intern. That amount was significantly more than I could afford. especially being in school! and to make matters worse… my little Geo Metro just decided to bite the dust.
That’s when it fell apart.. my year of purity, of doing what was right, my year of going back and fixing my flaws… my goals of graduating from technical school with honors, of getting an awesome job with an IT firm and becoming successful in spite of my divorce. It all fell apart… in the course of a few weeks I lost my job, and quit school, because I had no transportation. With the threat of child support enforcement taking action against me for missing a few payments I was desperate for a job. I asked my grandfather to get me a bike and I pedaled to my first interview at a local roadhouse.
All my life I had spent trying to make all the right choices…made a few wrong turns and somehow I ended up completely screwed. Mad? heck yea I was mad… I was mad at GOD… I was mad at him for taking out the maximum penalty for everything I did… I was mad because he wouldn’t cut me one bit of slack.
I remember the day I decided… If you gotta pay… you might as well play… so I made sure that every wrong choice I never made…was made up for…
Three years later… I was definitely a different person,I drank at every occasion, I had a gambling addiction, I was a bum, I actually had to eat at a homeless shelter a few times. I had no direction except to the next bar, I had no desire… except for the next woman that caught my eye. I had somehow collected a posse of friends that would keep me going, just to see what I would do next. They had no problem paying my way as long as I kept them entertained… and I obliged them gladly taking their dares, and fueling my ego.
One particular night… I ended up alone.. all my roommates were gone, I was depressed and remembering a simpler time… when I trusted GOD… GOD… I was still so mad at him! I started thinking about what I wanted.. ” I just wanted to have a family… was that so much to ask!?” ” I just wanted someone to love me like I loved her… I wanted her to feel lucky to be with me… and for me to feel lucky to be with her.. ” suddenly I started writing “her” down… I thought of her hair… of her long legs… of her sweet smile.. her shape and how she flirted with me.. I imagined every single inch of her body…and every part of her personality… as I dreamed about “her” My yellow legal pad was full… so I stopped and stared at it… that’s what I wanted.. right there… an impossibility.. a person so full of contradictions that it didn’t even make sense. How could someone like that even notice a person like me? I flung my legal pad into the corner and yelled at GOD.. “I refuse to do anything! much less darken the door of a church if you don’t even care enough to give me someone like that! I stormed out of the house and headed for the nearest nightclub…convinced GOD was done with me.
It could have been three weeks, or three months… that’s not really the point.. is it? what matters is that I found myself again without friends… my latest girlfriend had left me hanging to go out with her friends and I was bound and determined to have some fun anyways… I cleaned up and headed out to a local dance club intent on doing some damage and hopefully finding someone to keep me occupied for a while.
I wandered around a bit checking out the scenery and finally caught up with a bartender buddy of mine and brokered a deal for the night… free drinks all night if I set him up with a friend of mine. I grabbed a bar stool and started in on my first drink… a few friends passed by completely wasted already and we joked and talked a little… as they walked away… I noticed the friend I was supposed to introduce to the bartender, I started to make the introductions but someone else caught my eye… an amazingly tall and stunning brunette was walking straight toward me! for a moment she seemed somehow illuminated in the dark smoky nightclub. It was impossible not to notice her! filled with liquid courage I quickly swooped in and took a chance… offering her a drink… at the same time… trying to process what was going on.. for some reason all of my smooth lines were gone… and I was out of my element… she was calm and friendly, flirtatious even a bit aggressive. But I was completely smitten…as the night went on and we got to know each other we got pretty wasted… Suddenly I experienced a moment of clarity that has yet to be repeated… I looked at her and a sudden amazement struck me… this was the girl that I wrote down on my legal pad! I thought… “NO WAY!!.. that is impossible!!” I told God I would not darken the door of a church… . . . ” OH MAN! I looked at her again… and it was true… every fiber of my being was convinced that this was that girl… from my legal pad! every detail every single thing that I liked was there! It was impossible!!! but some how it was true!
Suddenly I was babbling to her that all I ever wanted was to have a family and serve God and all kinds of stuff that you don’t say to a hot chick in a bar! unless you are trying to chase them off! I was a hopeless case… it was Friday night at a nightclub, I had the girl of my dreams in front of me….and the words came out of my mouth… “I just need to get back in church…”
Yep it had hit me… this was her… God was putting her right in front of me… and I was not taking any chances… a voice in my head said “this is the one you don’t screw up… cause it won’t come back around again.”
She looked at me so simply … like she waiting for the words to come out of my mouth… and she said “So why don’t we go to church Sunday together..”
What followed that night has been an amazing adventure, I called my mom the next day and firmly declared that I found the girl that I was going to marry. We were married 6 months later and amazingly today 7 fantastic and wonderful years later…I am more convinced than ever that my amazing, complex, exciting, flirtatious, beautiful wife… is That Girl… the one I dreamed up and wrote down on a legal pad.
Jason Carroll
Jason the bald guy
jasonthebaldguy.com
Tags:
Art,
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Family,
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Fun,
God,
Love,
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sin,
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