Posts Tagged ‘friends’

I Can’t Not

// March 6th, 2010 // 4 Comments » // My Life

If your are my friend
and I call you so…
I can’t not care
and let things go

When you’re strong and high
and your spirit soars
I can’t not smile
and wish you more…

When the tables turn
and your heart is torn
I can’t not hurt
or cry or mourn

If you walk and talk
but the walk is a farce
I can’t not admonish
that you mind your heart

If my heart is stirred
and your life will be bettered
I can’t not utter
what the spirit has shared

If I love you I love you
and you cannot escape it
I can’t not be there for you
when you can no longer take it

you may not care now
and you may not care ever
but I can’t not speak
and abandon you never

If you know my heart true
and your honor I’ve earned
then measure me grace
and my counsel don’t spurn

I measure my words
so often with care
but I can’t not speak up
as if I’m not there

If your are my friend
and I call you so…
I can’t not care
and let things go

all rights reserved copyright 2010 jason carroll/ JTBG

http://jasonthebaldguy.com

Tags: Belief, friends, Love, poem, poetry

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Friends

// October 13th, 2009 // 4 Comments » // My Life

I’m a lover… not a fighter.   it’s true! anyone that knows me well will tell you…  I may be a serious looking bald guy but I am just a big ole teddy bear.  I tend to make friends easily… and.. I take people at face value.  I always give people the benefit of the doubt, (some would say to my detriment) and as much as my mind tells me otherwise, my heart always believes that most people will put others before themselves.  All of that being said, it sometimes feels incredibly difficult for me to maintain solid mutual friendships.  I am not talking about the shallow friendships you make at work or the occasional buddy that shows up to borrow a tool.  I am talking about a friendship that goes both ways… you would do anything for each other, and no matter how busy you are you would drop what you are doing to help each other out.  But even deeper than that a friendship where you can trust each other, for honesty, and for the hard questions.  These days people seem to be just too busy to be good friends, so absorbed in their own lives and taking care of themselves that there is little time to actually take the time to be a friend. Maybe I am spoiled because of my best friend Jonathan, even though we are 16 hours apart, we still talk on a regular basis. Jonathan has often been more of a friend to me than I could have ever expected. He has sacrificed his time and money and his heart as my friend.  Together we have walked through some hard places, and he has been everything you could ask for as a friend. As I look through the people in my life, everyone that I have loved as friends, I find that Jonathan stands alone as a truly loyal friend. At the same time I find that I have become jaded and less open to friendships because so many friends have really only been there as friends while it benefited them.  Is it really that hard to find people like Jonathan?   I think it is really detrimental to our overall well being if strong solid friendships are so few and far between.

Take the time to invest in a real friendship, make some sacrifices, pick up the phone, or just show up  in peoples lives more often.  How good of a friend are you to your friends?

Tags: friends, relationships, sacrifice

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Waiver of Parental Rights

// August 31st, 2009 // 6 Comments » // My Confessions, My Life

I am thinking tonight about Abraham, walking up the hill to sacrifice his firstborn son, his only heir. These days God doesn’t just stop by for a visit and start up the conversation “I need you to make a sacrifice for me”, there are no stone altars, or rams caught in the thicket in the nick of time. There are lawyers and loafers, children and adults, men, and women, all in some way seeking their own interests. These days the issues are clouded and principals are less important. Being right, or winning, or out maneuvering your opponent is more important. These days if you do something wrong, just be sure you file the paperwork right and everything will be easy like butter. What you don’t say is more important than what you do say, and how you don’t say it is even more important! It is not doing the right thing but looking like you are doing the right thing while you are cashing out on someone else’s misfortune.

As I looked at the “waiver of parental rights” affidavit that old feeling came over me… the cold clammy fingers of fear and dread gripped over my heart squeezing it until my throat felt like I was swallowing a baseball. “It has come to this…” I breathed. There are really no words to express the feeling of being asked to sign a piece of paper that legally divorces you from your own child. The reality is that there are no words for these types of things at all… How horrible of a parent do you have to be for such a document to be necessary? Where is the rope that you grab to keep you from falling further down the nightmarish rabbit hole, where big is little and up is down? Perspective is all a matter of reality suddenly… the reality is that you have to make a choice… you have to think about “that which you would never willingly conceive of in your mind”… I am a man of reason, so how do you list your priorities and mark them off until you reach a reasonable decision? How… How do you even think about trying to choose?

The phone rings…he says it is what he wants, I will still be his dad… just not on paper.
I look at the paper… everyone says… fight! and win! God is for you! but the many years of seemingly good choices are dulled by a foggy perception…It is like looking back on a mine field where I stepped on every single mine and somehow survived. How can any choice be a good choice once you make the choice to walk through a minefield? I put my hand up to the past and turn away… “no” I cannot go there… others claim to remember it better than I do… and different… so different that I doubt myself… I wonder how my heart can be so sincere and yet so faulty… as faulty as my memory? The phone rings… he has questions… why I made choices… why I didn’t make others… I honestly don’t know… The questions are perfect and concise…. the type that don’t need answers… just delivery.

I sit… I sign. I sign the “waiver of parental rights” I go see a notary and look for the judgement on his face as he notarizes the “waiver of parental rights” I go to the post office and the postal worker drags the “waiver of parental rights” out of my resistant hand with a quizzical look. As the envelope leaves my hand my mind hears the deafening chorus of the abandoned as they scream at me of the fear of the unknown. I smile at the postal worker like a victim with a gun in his back as I swipe my card to pay the postage for the “waiver of parental rights”

The phone rings… people say… “you did the right thing” some of them are the same people that said “fight and win!” I think about all the times I have ignored the council of “Job’s Friends” thinking to have done the right thing, only to be found here apparently winning their approval… I value it little.. I value it less than little. I close my eyes to imagine a simpler time when life was catching toads and building forts.

(This post is a very real and honest post that describes the events surrounding the day that I actually did sign a “waiver of parental rights” for my first born son Collin James Carroll. My Ex-wife continues to actively read this blog and pass along my confessions that are meant for your encouragement as information that causes him to question my character and loyalty to him. My reasons for this post are not for the sake of drama, or sympathy, or counsel. I am simply hoping that through this post that you gain an insight and understanding possibly an empathy for those that are facing similar issues in life.)

Tags: Art, blog, choice, choices, dad, doing the right thing, dread, fear, friends, God, perception, perspective, sacrifice, sin, the past

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Melodromatic – a free music download

// August 13th, 2009 // 5 Comments » // My Music

How it flows..

Hey guys this is the first of hopefully!  many instrumentals that I am currently working on.  Completely free for you to download and use as you like… just remember the hat is over to the left by the “donate” button :)

This song is called melodromatic (Yes I know it is misspelled mom!)  I captured it during one of my inspired moments… I hope you enjoy it and share it with your friends…
I fully support the free distribution of music so don’t be bashful and share it like the bunch of pirates you are … ARRR :)

To download the song just right click on the link and choose “save target as”  or “save link  as”

Melodromatic.mp3
Tags: Free music, friends, music

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When is enough… enough? GET OVER IT!!!

// August 4th, 2009 // 14 Comments » // My Thoughts

man pulling his hair out in frustration

I think this adequately describes my emotions at the moment of inspiration

It seems the media these days is full of news… about the economy, the democratic agenda, the republican agenda, whats happening on Wall Street, how somebody got away with something and everybody else had to pay for it. In some ways.. its good to know the truth about things… to be informed so that you can make good decisions and survive in an increasingly “dog eat dog” world.

I tend to enjoy the social media circle to some extent..I use twitter, facebook, most often and I like to share my favorite websites on Stumbleupon.com . I like being connected to people, my family, friends, and just the occasional acquaintance… I even check in on a few enemies occasionally to see what they are doing in their mad scientist laboratories!

Recently however my social media has become crowded with… how do I say it nicely RAVING LUNATICS!   it seems everywhere I go I am barraged by virtual sign waving screaming crowds of “conservative protesters”  they fill my normally entertaining social media with “this is why obama is evil”, “this is further proof of obamas evil plan”  and “here is even more proof! he was actually born in Australia and they wouldn’t take him!”  the list of antichrist predictions, conspiracy theories, petitions, videos, crappy photo montages attached to sappy music, are more than I can stand!  Please PLEASE!!! I really hoped that the community of Christians was made up of more than this!  the number of people continuously regurgitating unconfirmed and often stupidly one-sided views is absolutely ridiculous!

I am not here to discuss whether I agree with Obama’s ideals or how he is running the country.  Honestly the fact that anyone can keep this flaming runaway wagon of a country within the white lines is a feat of unbelievable skill… America is so fickle that we can single-handedly will bring about our own destruction with or without ANY president’s help.

So you didn’t get the president that you wanted, you are mad.. you lost your 401K, and you may have to pay for someone else’s insurance, or foot the bill for their bonus while you bail them out.  So you may pay higher taxes, the president may be a fraud, he may be the “AntiChrist”, he may be secret friends with someone that is completely vile and distasteful to you. So you are angry… about all of this… but why? why are you angry? did  you expect the world to just come whimpering to your feet and give you every thing you wanted? Who the heck asked you how things should go?  Since the beginning of time tyrants, dictators, coups, and all around nasty empires have risen and fallen… and no one has ever stopped to ask… “oh… so mister John Q Christian, what should we do next?  do you like how things are working out for you?”  America is NOT  YOUR COUNTRY!!! HEAVEN IS YOUR COUNTRY!!! get it through your thick heads!  this country is not a “CHRISTIAN” country! It is the same heathen country that it has always been.  Sure many of the founders were Christians, Almost every great empire has been founded on good ideas and good principals… because they work!  But man is always self seeking and ultimately undermines all the good intentions and even the best laid plans can work to benefit the corrupt. Why do you insist on meddling in the politics of a country that you don’t even belong to?

So again… you are angry, you feel betrayed, you feel taken advantage of, you feel like things are not going the way you like… Get Over It!!!  Focus on what matters, people are jobless, people are homeless, people are hopeless, people are directionless!!!

Instead of just adding to the confusion how about you step away from  your stupid,  Protest-a-matic, Spam-a-holic, mailing list and actually help the people that are hurting!  This is an opportunity to promote “LEGAL IMMIGRATION” to the Kingdom of Heaven!

Tags: capitolism, christian, christians, conservative, decisions, dog, economy, facebook, Family, financial problems, friends, heaven, music, Obama, politics, President, ranting, running, sin, temporal world, thick heads, truth

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The Bystander Effect…

// May 19th, 2009 // 4 Comments » // My Thoughts

The greater the number of bystanders, the less likely it is that any one of them will help an individual in an emergency situation.  This to me describes most christians, we tend to get together and have tons of fun together but when it is “Good Samaritan Time” we are suddenly very busy with our lives.  This also describes many friendships… these days true friendships are difficult to find, Over the years I have become increasingly aware that the sacrifices that we make for our friends may never be reciprocated… So many times I have gone above and beyond for a friend completely convinced that they would do the same for me… Only to find that when the time came and I needed somone to be there for me… no one was there…   I adopted the saying… ” I just want a friend that is as good a friend to me as I am to them” It became a real source of pain for me… I constantly felt let down and abandoned…

One day I received a message from a friend begging me to give them some of my time… just to talk. I had let a few calls go to voicmail, and not answered a few emails… and this message was a loving rebuke that maybe I should spend less time focused on my latest obsessions and remember my friends.  Suddenly it struck me… I had become the type of friend that I was always disapointed in…

what kind of friend are you? If others are standing around do you step out for your friends?  do you sacrifice your time for your friends? Do you serve your friends as well as they serve you?

What about the people around you that are hurting?   do you take time to talk? or pray? do you take a chance and say something?

or are you just a bystander contributing to the effect?

Tags: christian, christians, friends, Fun, obsession, pain, sacrifice, sin

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