Filing Status – “Head of Household” Angry…
I often struggle with being the spiritual leader of my family, being the head of the household is not always something that I fulfill so well. Recently when a friend of mine was dealing with relationship issues he mentioned that he was tired of being “the bad guy” I thought about that a bit… It often seems that men do seem to take a lot of hits when it comes down to why things are not going well in the relationship department… being “the bad guy” is pretty much what we signed up for though… when you take on the role of being the head of your household you can expect that when everything goes south that everyone will be looking at you asking… “what the heck were you thinking” often quickly followed by “oh you weren’t thinking!… AGAIN!!”
Guys… whether we like it or not we are ultimately responsible for the spiritual and physical well-being of our families… and whether we take that responsibility seriously or not the consequences of our leadership or lack of leadership will fall on us and our families.
The things we say in anger, the things we do in anger… do we ever really realize the far reaching impact of our actions? Anger is a raging fire that blindly ignores all the warning signs that lead to regrettable consequences… for ourselves and for others. Anger is a powerful weapon… it deflects almost any advances regardless of intentions. In my struggle with anger… often my anger builds slowly over long periods of time… I would like to believe I am long-suffering and patient and forgiving.. but I often have to wonder…am I really… because once my anger is kindled it becomes something that strikes fear into my own heart… I have only become that angry a few times….(I can literally count them on one hand) but believe me it is enough to know that anger is something that I must absolutely be sure to keep under control. The bible says “be angry and sin not” I think the idea is that we all get angry and deal with it in different ways… but the actions we take when we are angry if we are not careful we are almost certainly sure to regret.
Often when I am angry I lash out at others at the slightest provocation. I also quickly deflect blame and place it onto others undeservedly… I skillfully redirect my shortcomings onto others painting them to be the ones at fault. I think nothing of sinking the dagger to the hilt emotionally leaving my victim to suffer with false guilt and accusations that I should bear.
Being a father I really struggle with the fact that my children seem to deal with anger much differently than I do… sometimes they are literally self-destructive and throw themselves down pitching a fit… my struggle is more about “how do I teach them to deal with anger from a healthy perspective” or “how do I teach them self-control and sacrificial love in spite of their anger” the only thing I know is that they learn the best by example… unfortunately… or fortunately possibly… if only I can learn how be the example that they need.
There are no excuses for anger… we can blame whoever we want to for causing it, but our actions are 100% our responsibility.
Being the head of my household I have to take responsibility for the anger in my family… how do I do that? well it is not so clear… but I strongly believe that if I continue to seek for peace and love for each of the members of my family… and for myself… and take responsibility for my actions and continue to learn to control my anger then God will be faithful to form us into a more peaceful and less angry family.