Haiti…

I remember watching the horror of the Tsunami’s that swept through the coastal villages, I remember watching as New Orleans floundered in 10-20 feet of water in some areas.  I see the devastation of Haiti and I want to look away… like I wanted to look away in “Passion of the Christ” when they were beating my Jesus.  But I watched… I watched every single lash until the very end… my eyes blistered with tears as I forced them to stay focused…and watch what I did… what I caused… what paid the price for me.     And now as I see all of these people completely out of my reach… wondering who can I trust to deliver the precious few dollars that I do have to spare to the right people… wishing to hold the orphans and tell them something comforting…. but what would I say?  that  could truly comfort?  we all say … “God is in control”  but to translate that to a child? or a grieving widow that just watched the very ground under her feet roll like the ocean waves?   Of course GOD is in control…idiot… who else could do something like that!? …  somehow the empty cliche’s of our shallow acceptance of God’s sovereignty fall short. Do we really understand him at all? or are we so afraid of his terrible magnificence that we settle for a softer more comfortable version of him.

I think Haiti exposes me for who I am as an american… that I tend to ignore tragedy and poverty unless it is so great that it screams at me and I can no longer ignore it.  That even my futile attempts to avoid materialism and live simply are not enough because in some ways my heart has not truly changed yet… How do I move from my harried, worried, frantic lifestyle full of busy-ness … so full that I literally do not have the time or energy to do the things my heart wants to do!   I am truly tired of making companies successful that have no interest in the quality of life of anyone but themselves…  I have really struggled over the past few years knowing that I want to somehow begin to apply my skills in the non-profit sector and yet still feed my family…  but I digress…

I am committing this year to becoming different… to serving in new ways… to see the suffering around me and make a difference.  Haiti is not here with me… but there are still people hurting and hungry and homeless and I cannot believe that just getting by is what we are meant to do in this life.   So thank you Haiti for waking me up… and I am sorry that it took so much… again… to get my attention.