The Wilderness

So many people are having “wilderness” experiences it has almost become a fad in christianity!   It seems every day I hear of some person or other describing their own “wilderness”.  It is not so much that I doubt, far be it from me to judge someones personal experience; however, my tendency is to purposely avoid whatever “The Herd” is doing.  Call me an Individualist, or whatever, but I have often avoided running off a cliff with “the herd” by steering clear of religious fads.  It does get tiring though, always questioning whether something is real or fabricated, whether I am really feeling something or caving in to peer pressure.  Like right now.

I am having a hard time lately… my well intentioned segment here “Diary of a Deadbeat Dad” suffered a serious hemorrhage of comments and spun out of control. While I would love to repost the entire segment of posts, I struggle with frustrations, and worry that others would misunderstand my motives.  The entire segment was originally meant to communicate the struggles of a daddy that has absoloutely no idea how to communicate with his son.  My hope was that this would encourage other daddys to start a journal or something similar.. just to get out the frustration and pain.  To my shame,  The entire segment became an out and out war zone and all I could do was remove the posts.  Soon after removing the posts, I received paperwork from my ex-wife’s lawyer providing me an affidavit to surrender my parental rights.  It could not have been a darker time for me… I talked with my son several times about the consequences of signing the affidavit. Each time he assured me that he understood and that he still wanted me to sign the document.  I went before my Father God so many times for guidance, and every time he delivered what I needed.  Ultimately the document was signed,  and I have voluntarily given up my legal rights to my son.

You may judge me… but I have learned it is a small thing to be judged by men. Not to say that such an action does not carry a heavy price, the price is greater than many can imagine and the consequences could be incalculable. But hard choices are hard for a reason, and ultimately we discover that God is greater than our choices.  I can say that it is my strongest desire to run away and hide, or do the “wilderness getaway vacation” I would like nothing better than to go eat worms right now… but with the “wilderness fad” going so strong I am somewhat hesitant to jump on the bandwagon.

The wilderness is harsh, barren, and unfriendly, but it is a passive unfriendliness. The wilderness does not try to destroy you, it just exists, and you must accept the wilderness as it is and learn to respect it.

I think that many choose “the wilderness” because the other option; “the battlefield” is much less fun.

The battlefield is like the wilderness, in that it is  harsh, barren, and unfriendly, there is no respect, the battlefield is a cemetery , and the reward of passivity is a gravestone. As much as I would like to run off to the wilderness… The battlefield is where I belong, bringing principalities, and powers under the dominion of the Prince of Peace. Ephesians 6:12

I refuse to let the fleeting mirage of earthly existence or the struggles of my own humanity distract me.

I have no desire to minimise the struggle of those who are truly in the midst of a wilderness experience;  But if you are simply “draft dodging”  then quit whining about your wilderness experience, and join the ranks of warriors that will gladly sacrifice everything for the sake of “The Kingdom”