The Obsession of Self

I have a problem…

My problem is Me, I am in the way everywhere I go! when I truly seek to serve others… I catch myself sneaking around in the background, trying to find something in it for myself. When I am seeking God, suddenly I catch myself trying to “feel” to “see” to “experience” him rather than just plainly seek him… to plainly love him… not for some “experience” but for the sake of loving.

Love- I often think that I am good at loving others but I am only really good at loving myself! I often strongly doubt that I even understand love at all…

Love- I throw it around like some dirty shop rag, using it to wipe up messes and hold things that I wouldn’t hold otherwise.

Love- so often described, but so impossible to define! I grasp at it… only to find “Me” trying to take its place!

While I write this very moment the confession of my heart, my mind dares to hope for some “recognition” that I am “good” somehow, for being flawed and admitting it!

ARGH! I can only continually humiliate myself this way in hopes that my true motives being always exposed will ultimately free me from the obsession of self.

<< John 3 >>
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. 18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. 19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20 For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. 21 But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.